PANCAKE PREASON POWER RANKINGS

 Welcome, welcome, ladies and germs to the 87th annual Trivial Warfare Army Pancake Fantasy Football Power Rankings, brought to you by Moxie! 

Moxie, "Of Course You'll Have Some!"

Speaking of moxie, some of these fantasy managers are filled with it, but who has enough to get them that coveted Golden Spatula?!

Well, the teams are drafted so I am just gonna run them through my trusty, and dusty, Commodore 64 Power Ranker  1100 to see where we stand:

Anywho, let's count 'em down to the preseason #1!

14) Jry Jdy Frsh n Fruity (Projected Record: 3-10): Now, quarterbacks are valuable in this format, for sure, but not quite sure taking five of them, is the best approach?

I mean it could be, but when Daniel Jones is one of the aforementioned QBs?

13) Team tootallgoof (Projected record: 4-9): Now, here's the thing, a couple injuries and they may end up with 3 top tier running backs! But they also have the reigning NFL MVP, so don't go sleeping on this squad by any means. 

12) Beats by Rhamondre (Projected record:5-8): Wins the award for best current team name, and I think that's all ya need to know.

11) Sam and the Mitchells (Projected Record: 6-7): This squad has a lot of upside at running back but only one of those RBs will start the season as the clear cut starter on their own team, so it could be a lot of stressful Sunday mornings trying to pick the RB2 of the week. Best news to come from this, is the new single Sam and the Mitchells are working on, You're Kyren a Piece of My Heart

10) Cobra Kyler (Projected record: 6-7): Apparently the Commodore 64 Power Ranker 1100 isn't fully on board with a team relying on two QBs coming off of injuries last season? I wonder if there's another team with a plethora of QBs that this team could trade with for some insurance at the position? 

9) I spent money on this? (Projected record:6-7): Ya sure did spend money on this! While this team  may have more question marks than a Matthew Lesko suit, there's plenty of hope here, especially if trendy sleeper pick, Rashid Shaheed (say that five times fast) breaks out!

8) GT Feens (Projected record: 7-6): As long as this team is in good shape for the playoffs before week 12 when half the team is on bye, they are good to go!

7) Team Johnson (Projected record: 7-6): Team Johnson, has some big Dak energy in the preseason, let's see if they can carry it into the playoffs...cause that's where Dak shines?

                               

7) Team jeleefish (Projected record: 6-7): Well, you may be scratching your head with the record, but the 87th annual Trivial Warfare Army Pancake Fantasy Football Power Rankings, brought to you by Moxie are not just about records...they're about Moxie! "Moxie, of course you'll have some!" Yeah, this team may be in for some hard luck losses...but whaddya expect with Trevor Lawrence and Baker Mayfield quarterbacking the offense?

5) Team tmoney7999 (Projected record: 8-5): A nice mix of young'uns and veterans on this roster, making a tough matchup for just about every team in the league, so watch out for tmoney!

(this is a reenactment and not an actual picture of tmoney7999's manager counting their winnings)

4) Team CoachB5353 (Projected record: 8-5): A steaming cup of young upside makes this team a potential juggernaut! Unless CJ Stroud was a fluke and Caleb Williams doesn't live up to the hype, in which case they'll become a jugger...

3) Weekend Warriors (Projected record: (7-6): Look, I'm not sure how one takes being projected to be of the most hard-luck (hardest-luck) losers of the league? Somehow with how the matchups lineup it looks to make it a tough season for what might actually be a top three scoring team. But, look things can change and if there is a team I predict to outplay their projected record in 87th annual Trivial Warfare Army Pancake Fantasy Football Power Rankings, brought to you by Moxie! Moxie, "Of Course You'll Have Some!"...it's this team!

2) Unnecessary Ruffians (Projected Record: 8-5): Sure, sure, that Daniels-Watson QB combo could very well fall apart and there are some ruff(ian) matchups with studs on byes, but rest assured, these Ruffians will be tough...ians.

1) Dark Mondays 2 (Projected record: 10-3): We've seen it before, the team with the #1 pick becomes early season favorite to win the whole frickin' thing. This team is more than CMC though, clearly, because while that #1 pick is nice, watching the next 26 picks go by is not so great. Hopefully, for their sake, they won't be playing a lot of Dark Monday morning quarterback this season...though that could be name for a decent sports thriller akin to the 1996 Snipes-DeNiro vehicle The Fan.   

Speaking of fans, I am a fan of all you! Good luck and have fun out there!

If you want to be a further football degenerate, you can enter the Movember Survivor Pool as well, for just $10...help a great cause and give yourself a chance at fun prizes...tell your friends and family as well! Reach out for details!